2002 Texas Mock Trial Quotes
Arpan: [hearing Lyndzee knock] Who is it? Do you come seeking peace?
Lyndzee: What? Did you think I came seeking war?
Lyndzee: Arpan, you took my chips!
Arpan: Yes, but it's okay because they tasted bad.
Lyndzee: But I liked them...
Arpan: No, they tasted bad.
Lyndzee: But I -liked- them...
Tom: So now [that you have a new mascot-stuffed-animal keropi] do ya’ll plan on burning the Ebola infested kerope?
Lyndzee: I think the ebola gives it character.
CXer: Now, here in your affidavit, you say...
JP: Where you at
Ruchit: Abi, I've gotta' tell ya - since the beginning of the year, you've lost a lot of weight...
Bloch: Fifth place...the Longhorns, from the University of Texas
Kate: Are they still doing Spirit of AMTA?
Kate: Well, Mr. Thompson, what was the first exciting thing that happened to you that night?
JJ: I started drinking
Kate: What time was that?
JJ: Well...what time did I wake up?
[Someone asks Noaman why he was talking to the waitress about the menu for 30 minutes.]
Noaman: The punctuation was ambiguous.
Arpan: Kate, Of all the guys here, wouldn't you most like to share a bed with me?
Gordon: [Four days before the trip] So, I'll drive Zack, Arpan and Tom.
Jamal: Wait a minute, your kids names are Apu, Arpan and Sanji and your name is Carter Palmer?
David: I don't dress well.. I dress FABULOUS
Arpan: [As Calhoun] It's my job to calculate the probability of stuff happening in the universe.
Eva: In communion with your prior ruling...
Arpan: I saw Calhoun as a genious, talented, unappreciated, asshole. I think I could identify.
Tom: When is the BAR tourny?
Jamal: I have no idea. I stopped keeping track of that stuff when I graduated from college 200 years ago.
Maggie: You've aged well, Jamal.
Ryan: No, he hasn't aged well at all. Just look at how cranky and crotchity he's become. I remember Jamal when he was just starting out as coach - Bill Clinton was president, and 'Friends' star Rachel's (Jennifer Aniston) baby was still just a glimmer in co-star Ross' (David Schwimmer) eyes. Back then, Jamal was young, eager, naive, and full of Baylor stories. The glint in his wide, impressionable eyes is something that touched everyone at whom he griped. Now, hardened by years of marriage and work in the ugly plaintiffs' lawyer salt mines, he's become grizzled and cynical, and his fashion sense has gotten steadily and inexplicably worse. Though he was always a tough cookie, even in his salad days, and might have stood a chance against these eroding pressures alone, it was Mock Trial that finally broke his spirit. Mock Trial and crack. Even Jamal, our swarthy Arabian Knight - and by swarthy Arabian Knight, I mean Coach and Crack-user extraordinaire - didn't stand a chance with both the Burden of Mock Trial and the Crack Monkey on his back. After more than two years of such torment, personal sacrifice, and suffering, Jamal has finally succumbed to these indomitable pressures, and become the shallow husk of a man you see before you...or whose emails you read from time to time. No, please - no tears, not for Jamal. Remember, he volunteered to coach - nobody forced him. Besides, Jim's our coach, too - and also clearly on crack - and he seems chipper enough.
Jamal: Please don't take this personally, but I deleted the party time and location info.
Eva: Personally? Personally?! Do I look like the kind of person who would take things personally?!
Ryan: [In response to Gordon taking a candy from Jim's daughter] Gordon! You haven't even passed your bar exam!
David: The weather was bad, right?
Smith: [the grieving dad] Nothing was good about that day, sir.
David: I -know- it was a bad day, but the weather specifically?
Jamal: You don't strike me as a man who would drink.
Eva: But do I strike you as a -woman-??!
Ryan: Ruchit, you need a tie. You need to look formal.
Ruchit: Sorry, I forgot my clipon.
Arpan: You totally didn't look like a whore on the stand.
Tom: You're a bit bias, don't you think?
Arpan: Trust me, I know what whore's look like!
David: Dont make me punch you...It may not hurt, but I'll do it!
David: Lyndzee, were you offended when they said Arpan was a whore [referring to Arpan's portrayal of a witness] and I thought they were referring to you?
Lyndzee: No, I thought they were referring to me, too!
Arpan: But seriously, Gordon, I'd kill myself if I were you.
Arpan: Yeah, but first I'd lock myself in my room & cry.
Gordon: Sometimes I think we are too smart for our own good.
Lyndzee: I don't think I have that problem.